Be a LOSER

Recently, a close friend confided in me about a rough patch in her marriage. Her husband had hurt her deeply—his actions left her feeling disrespected and dishonored. She was furious, and she made sure he knew it at every opportunity. Weeks went by, and she remained locked in this cycle of anger, frustration, and sadness. She replayed his behavior repeatedly, unable to let it go.

One day, I decided to be kindly but brutally honest with her. I told her, “Friend, you’re not being graceful. You’re not being humble. And honestly, you’re not being forgiving. You’re holding onto this hurt like it’s a treasure when all it’s doing is eating you alive. Your husband made a mistake—a very human mistake—but you’re treating him like he’s the devil himself.”

After much reflection, prayer, and quiet time, she made a decision. She forgave him. She said, “This is so hard for me, but I’m choosing to forgive you—for the sake of our marriage, our children, and our growth. And because it’s un-Christian of me to stay in this anger forever.”

Afterward, she texted me and said something that hit me hard: “I feel like I’m losing. My pride and ego are so bruised.”

I could relate. Boy, could I relate!

The Art of Losing

Here’s the thing—I feel like I’m losing every other day in my marriage. But let me be clear: I’m not losing my dignity, my worth, or my sense of self. I’m losing my ego. I’m losing my pride. And let me tell you, the rewards of those losses? They’re priceless.

What I gain instead is peace, fulfillment, joy, and a marriage that thrives. The kind of rewards that can’t be measured or explained—only felt.

But I gotta be honest: losing doesn’t always feel good. It doesn’t come easy either. It doesn’t feel empowering in the moment. It feels like swallowing a bitter pill. Your pride screams at you, “Don’t let this slide! Don’t let him get away with it!” But here’s what I’ve learned: a bruised ego is temporary, and the satisfaction of “winning” in the heat of the moment is fleeting.

You have to ask yourself: Do I want to “win” this argument, or do I want to win at marriage?

Pride Is the Real Loser

Reality is: most marriages fail because people are too busy trying to protect their pride. “I’m not going to let him do that to me!” “I’ll look weak if I forgive her!” We engage in battles of ego, forgetting that the real goal isn’t to win against our partner—it’s to win with our partner.

When your pride wins, you lose. You lose your peace, your joy, and often, your relationship.

In a healthy, thriving marriage, two people come together with a commitment to lose—every single day. Not in a self-deprecating way, but in a way that says, “My love for you and our marriage is bigger than my ego.”

My husband and I have made this commitment. Trust me, it’s anything but easy. There are times when I feel like I’m bending over backward, and I know he feels the same. But we’ve agreed that our pride will not dictate the decisions we make for our marriage and our family.

Embrace Being a Loser

So, here’s my advice to you: Be a loser. Lose with grace. Lose with kindness. Lose with wisdom.

Let your ego take a hit so that your marriage can take a step forward. Stop worrying about how it looks to others, about whether people will think you’re weak, or about how much it stings in the moment. None of that matters in the grand scheme of things.

I know it sounds counterintuitive, but the more you embrace being a “loser,” the more you’ll realize you’re actually winning at the things that matter: love, peace, and connection.

Bigger Picture

Marriage isn’t about protecting your ego or pride—it’s about dying to yourself daily. That doesn’t mean losing your identity or your self-worth. It means recognizing that the battle of egos has no place in a long-term relationship. It means choosing love over being right, humility over stubbornness, and grace over “fighting back”.

Girl, let it go. Let that anger go. Next time you feel like saying, “I’m not letting this go! I’m not going to look like the fool!”—pause. Breathe. And remember, it’s okay to be the loser. No successful marriage was ever built on “winning” and coming out on top.

When you lose with grace, you ultimately win—at marriage, at life, and at love.

Until next time, and with so much love for you, this is…