5 Years of Marriage: 5 Lessons I’ve Learned

Today marks five years since my husband and I got married, and it’s been a journey filled with highs, lows, and everything in between. Marriage isn’t just about the big gestures or the picture-perfect moments. It’s about embracing each day, even the messy ones, and learning to love each other through it all. As I reflect on our years together, I want to share five lessons that have helped me grow, love deeper, and stay committed through the ups and downs.🥂❤️

1. Marriage Is Built on Experiences, Not Similarities

You may not have many things in common, but year after year, you accumulate shared experiences, and that’s what really counts. My husband is reserved; I’m extra. He loves rap music, I’m all about country music 🎶. He’s a software developer; I’m in law. He’s meticulous and plans every detail; I’m the spontaneous bunny. We’re different in almost every way, but what we do have in common are the moments we’ve shared— Growing from our 20s to our 30s. From our first baby to the tough days of sick kids, navigating financial slumps or even the mundane stuff like paying bills and dealing with life’s everyday chaos. We have shared experiences, and that’s what marriage is built on. 💍Marriage is not about finding your twin (like, bruh), it’s about doing life together and sharing experiences, creating memories, and knowing that at the end of the day, nobody knows you better than your spouse. And their love and respect means more to you, than anybody else’s approval.

2. There’s No Such Thing as a Perfect Spouse

Perfection is a myth. Imperfection is what you get, and imperfection is what you work with. When you marry, you’re signing up to love someone through their flaws. ❤️True love shows in imperfection—when your partner annoys you, when they don’t meet your expectations, or when you’re faced with their very human shortcomings. If they were perfect, if they ticked all the boxes, it would be conditional love; a convenient arrangement. Your love wouldn’t be tested, and it certainly wouldn’t grow. Don’t buy into the soulmate fantasy that promises smooth sailing and never-ending happiness. Even the best relationships have storms, and sometimes, your partner will drive you crazy. That’s not a sign of failure and it’s not an opportunity to tear down your marriage; it’s just part of the deal.

3. Always Give the Benefit of the Doubt

There will be seasons when your spouse isn’t the best version of themselves. Always give them the benefit of the doubt before jumping to conclusions. If he shouts at you, think, “He must be going through something,” rather than immediately feeling disrespected. If he forgets your birthday, assume he’s stressed at work rather than feeling unloved. Don’t be on the lookout for all the ways they’re falling short. Grace isn’t just a nice idea; it’s essential. We all have our off days, and there will be times when you’re not at your best either. The grace you extend will be the grace you’ll need one day, too. 🙏

4. Arguments Are Normal—Don’t Overreact

You will argue. You will disagree. You will want different things. And that’s okay. Arguments are part of it, not the end of it. If you’ve married a good man who loves you and works hard, try not to blow disagreements out of proportion. It could just be the “down” season of your marriage (those are normal, too). Don’t rush to confide in friends and family every time things go south; it’s easy to get swept up in the drama and make things seem worse than they are. Instead, stay level-headed, breathe 🧘‍♀️, and remember that conflict doesn’t mean your marriage is falling apart. Forgive your person, even when they don’t prologize, and let it go. Also, consider marriage counseling—not because things are falling apart, but because it can bring you closer than you’ve ever been. Marriage Counseling actually helped us bounce back from a pretty rough patch of frustration and our friendship grew even deeper.

5. Marriage Is Mundane—Embrace It

The reality of marriage is far from the glossy Instagram version. The goodness of marriage is not in the date nights, the valentines’ roses, the matching-outfit photoshoots, the Christmas family-card, the new property purchases and amazing lovemaking. It’s in the everyday, often mundane moments—waking up tired, exchanging Whatsapp messages about doctor’s appointments, basic macaroni & chicken dinner, doing the dishes, waking up late on Sunday, arguing about being late for church, and navigating the chaos of daily life. It’s not filled with special occasions. The beauty is in the routine, the small moments that stitch your lives together. 🧩Celebrate the little wins and don’t get caught up with the idea that every day should be magical. Magic is for Disney movies 🙂

Here’s a bonus lesson, because once I start talking, I can’t seem to stop, but also because you really, really need to learn this one:

Silent Treatment Doesn’t Work

Silent treatment won’t get you anywhere. 🚫Don’t expect him to read between the lines. Sometimes he might get it, but most times, he won’t. Save yourself the stress, and save him the confusion. He doesn’t get what you’re trying to say by banging doors, turning the other way in bed, and refusing to look at him when he comes home. He can sense that you’re upset, but he has absolutely no idea why.
Communication is a marriage sellotape. Learn to speak assertively and directly—use this simple formula: “During situation X, when you did behavior Y, it made me feel Z.” It’s clear, honest, it removes the guesswork from your relationship and it has certainly added character to my marriage!

Marriage isn’t always pretty, but it’s the commitment that refines, strengthens, and ultimately, transforms you. Staying through the “worse” is a badge of honor that shows you’re in it for the long game. So, when the road gets hickey, don’t be quick to jump ship. The years will fly by, and you’ll look back, not at a nice fairytale, but at a real, lived-in love story that you both built; day by day. You will look at each other and go: “We did it; we stuck by each other, and we figured it out.

Until next time, and with so much love for you, this is…